I am so excited to dive into this topic for you today, especially as I launch my new program FEMPOWER, which is all about EMPOWERING WOMEN IN LOVE
For a long time, I felt disempowered in love, like I was completely out of control of my love life and what I was experiencing.
I found myself acting in certain ways to be a version of myself that I believed would be more desirable to men.
I hid parts of myself.
I experienced what I like to call LITTLE GIRL SYNDROME for fear of being TOO MUCH for the man I was dating.
I was confused, alone and starting to feel as though there was something wrong with me.
I mean, why could all of my friends find these amazing guys, yet here I was, unlucky in love.
And the nail in the coffin…it seemed as though every guy that I was interested in wasn’t interested in me, and every guy that was interested in me, I wasn’t interested in.
Talk about frustrating.
Now when I look back on it. I’m super aware of what was really going on, and I can see so clearly how I was blocking myself from attracting the man I so desperately longed to be with.
I was hiding myself, making myself small, because 1. a part of me didn’t believe I could actually get THAT guy, and 2. I had no idea who I was and lacked the confidence to really put myself out there. Hence feeling so disempowered because it really was a case of them choosing me, not me choosing them.
This is why I am so passionate about this program.
It is a game changer for any woman who is struggling with her confidence, her self-worth, with believing that she is enough, with fear, with anxiety, with any kind of pain or just disconnection with self, which is leading her to experience relationships that do not fill her up, that she feels out of control with and disempowered in.
Doors are open NOW. We kick off on April 28th, and I am currently looking for my first five beauties who are going to join me in round one of this amazing program. As this is the first round, this will be the cheapest it will ever be with the highest touch point from me, so an epic opportunity.
If you have just read anything that is resonating for you, then reach out girlfriend. Send me a message through the contact form on the website, and let’s have a chat to see whether FEMPOWER is the right fit for you. I would love to support you in this and get you to that place where you are feeling really empowered in love, knowing who you are, feeling confident, worthy with an amazing foundation of self-love, for a relationship with your dream man to flourish upon.
Alright beauties, now that that is out of the way, let’s get stuck into today’s topic…
NOURISHING RELATIONSHIPS V TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
Oh my goodness, have I had many a toxic relationship experience, and I hear so many stories from other woman who have also had really unhealthy relationship experiences.
It’s actually really common which is kind of comforting to know, however also quite scary because it means that there is so many hurt people out there seeking refuge and healing in relationships, rather than going inward and doing the work on themselves.
It’s something that is really prevalent, and if you have experienced toxic relationships then know that you are definitely not alone.
Ok, so let’s be clear from the beginning…toxic relationships breed from people in pain.
Hurt people, hurt people.
I felt really called to touch on this topic today, so that you can gain some awareness around what a toxic relationship is like and what a nourishing one can be like, and to also let you know that, just because you have had toxic experiences in the past, doesn’t mean you are destined for that in the future.
One of my amazing clients came to me out of an incredibly toxic relationship of 10 years, and she never thought she would find an amazing, loving, genuine guy EVER. She felt so incredibly lost, confused, had no idea who she was or what she wanted, she just knew she NEVER wanted to experience that again. She was terrified. She didn’t think she could ever trust men again, that she could ever have a healthy relationship again.
After working together for 5 months, I am happy to say she is in an amazing HEALTHY relationship and as happy as ever.
I’m also an example of it being possible…read on to learn more about that!
Okay so toxic relationships are generally relationships that do not FEEL GOOD.
We all know what feeling good feels like right, and when we are in that space and we’re feeling amazing it feels SO. GOOD.
The biggest indicator as to whether you are in a toxic relationship or not, comes down to how you feel 90% of the time you are in partnership.
Healthy relationships go through ups and downs, it’s totally normal and expected that you aren’t going to feel GREAT all the time, however you should be feeling good 90% of the time with that 10% being oh my gosh, this sucks, get me out of here! haha you know the normal feels when you have an argument.
Toxic relationships are generally when you don’t feel good 90% of the time. When you feel like you can’t be yourself, or you feel fearful, insecure and unsafe, with 10% feeling like sunshine and roses…if you’re lucky.
There could be verbal and/or physical abuse. Most likely really unhealthy co-dependency patterns, lacking communication skills, extreme fights, controlling behaviours, manipulation and can often be that you are not allowed to have a life outside of the relationship.
For me, my last toxic relationship was with a guy who was an alcoholic, a drug taker and a smoker. He was quite manipulative in a very passive way, loved mind games and sex was all just fucking as opposed to love making. He was also addicted to porn.
As a result, I became super clingy and fearful, feeling unsafe and insecure, and desperately seeking some kind of reassurance or genuine positive interaction. I didn’t trust him, I felt needy and I wasn’t being true to myself in any way.
There was no mutual respect. I was often made to feel like there was something wrong with me. I was constantly in craving attention mode rather than feeling peace, calm and safe. I was always on edge, I constantly felt like I was having to check on him, or check that we were okay and the only time we really got along was when we were both high…however, with the highs came the EPIC fights.
I often felt judged and I’m sure he did too because I did judge him a lot for the way that he chose to live his life. I also found myself slipping into more of a submissive role, more of a wanting to look after him and fix him role, rather than a mutual, respectful partnership.
I didn’t feel safe, I didn’t feel secure, I didn’t feel loved and I was desperately latching on constantly because of this. It was a vicious cycle as the more I clutched on, the worse it got. It wasn’t a healthy relationship at all.
It was up, down, up, down and that’s not good for us because in those situations, we are constantly in that fight or flight mode which puts added stress on our nervous system and can make us very sick. Anxiety, stress and
It’s really erratic, it’s really unstable and you can feel crazy like you are losing your mind
Some indications of being in a toxic relationship and things to look out for are:
Not feeling safe
Not feeling secure
Having huge fights constantly
It can feel very uneasy
You don’t feel good
You feel like you can’t be yourself
You feel like you are trapped
You feel like you’re being demeaned, spoken down to or condescended and belittled.
You feel like you’re being judged or criticized all the time
You feel manipulated and controlled
If you are experiencing any of these, please reach out to someone for support, or set about making some changes in your situation, particularly of you feel as though you may be in danger. There is support out there for you.
So that’s a bit around toxic relationships and what they can look like, now let’s gain some clarity around what a healthy, happy and loving relationship can be like…just like what I get to experience with my KING every day.
The main thing for me, is that I feel really safe, I feel really secure and I can be myself with him. I can be vulnerable and open without feeling judged. There is mutual respect, we really love each other and want the best for one another.
Yes, we have arguments, but we don’t have crazy blow ups like I have experienced in the past, and they are diffused quickly with both parties taking responsibility (most of the time…sometimes we hit a stale mate and don’t agree and that’s ok too. We don’t always have to agree)
We probably have one big argument every 6 months, where we just like really piss each other off. Other than that, we have little disagreements, that don’t really blow up.
I feel respected, I feel heard. I feel trusted and I know I can trust him. We communicate effectively most of the time, and I don’t feel as though I’m being belittled or condescended in any way.
We grow together as a partnership, but we are also individuals, we have our own lives. We have a solid foundation of trust, love and respect and the love we feel for each other is very strong and free feeling. It’s not conditional.
In a healthy and nourishing relationship, you feel empowered.
You feel confident, you feel self-assured and you know you can trust yourself and you can express your true self.
I think it is important to know the difference between toxic and nourishing relationships, as I believe there are a lot of people out there experiencing toxic relationships, thinking that they are completely normal because maybe that’s what they grew up with or were exposed to as the norm when they were children.
If all you have experienced thus far have been unhealthy patterns playing out, I promise you, it is possible to break the cycle. Just because that is the way it has been, doesn’t mean that is the way it has to continue to be.
A healthy, loving and mutually respectful relationship is out there waiting for you, however first, you must heal and clear the BS that is keeping you stuck in these toxic experiences.
As far as we know, we only get one shot at this life, so do what you can to ensure you get to live your BEST ONE!
Ps. Let me know what you think…I LOVE feedback and appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me so so much.