“HOLY SHIT!!! I mean, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK was I thinking?!?!”
Haha…legit girlfriend, this is what goes through my head sometimes when I think back to the way I used to show up in relationships.
It’s crazy how much I’ve shifted, released, grown and changed in the past few years…well really, a majority of it shifted during my 7 month sabbatical from love and sex, but more on that another time.
Today I want to jam with you about a HUGE problem I see so many of you badass babes create in your lives that I like to refer to as the ‘perfect relationship delusion’
My most recent HOLY SHIT moment occurred when I was thinking about the way I used to create this ridiculous, and I mean, totally unachievable expectation of a PERFECT RELATIONSHIP that NO ONE could ever live up too.
I had this crazy internal list of expectations, ok behaviours, not ok behaviours, criteria, that any guy had to live up too in order to be with me, otherwise, it just wasn’t good enough, it’s wasn’t perfect, so it wasn’t meant to be…or so I kept telling myself.
I now know why I was playing this card, in a futile attempt to protect myself and stop myself from getting hurt which obviously, it did the fuckin opposite…in fact it created more pain and suffering every time ANOTHER relationship came to a firy end.
So here’s a bit of an insight into what my ‘perfect’ relationship looked like…
- No fighting
- He had to ADORE me and literally worship the ground I walked on
- He had to want to spend all his spare time with me
- He wasn’t allowed to look at other women
- He had to message me first thing in the morning and last thing at night
- He had to romance me all the time
- We had to have sex every day so he wouldn’t need to masturbate
- He wasn’t allowed to have any flaws
- He had to surprise me with gifts regularly
- He had to give me space, but be there at the drop of a hat if I needed him
- He wasn’t allowed to go out with his mates
- He had to put me first, above all else
Sounds lovely right!! Haha poor bastards never stood a chance!
So what’s my reason for sharing this with you?
Because babe, if you’re reading and this thinking, fuck, that’s so ME, I can so relate to this, (maybe not alllll the crazy, cos I know, I was pretty crazy), but if it resonates or stings even a little, I invite you to lean into that. I invite you to open youself up to the fact that these patterns and limitations are not serving you!!
Even if you have fooled yourself, as I had, into believing that the perfect relationship exists, and you won’t settle for anything less…right now, I’m here to burst your delusion bubble, to offer you an opportunity to experience the kind of loving relationship that is available to you, should you CHOOSE to accept it.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP…though there are a perfect relationships out there for you, based on what it is you are ready to experience.
All of our relationship experiences are perfect, even the ones that break our hearts.
Everything comes to us in the perfect timing. Trust that nothing is ever given to you that you cannot handle and know that it is all a reflection of what is happening inside of you, and what you get to heal and grow through.
You will keep repeating patterns until you learn the lesson.
The lesson being, that there is a deep fear and belief inside of you that you are not good enough. You are not lovable. You are going to get hurt again (and can you see how you are actually hurting yourself through showing up this way?). That you need to have these walls up in order to protect yourself and your heart, and in doing so, are preventing yourself from experiencing one of the most amazing human experiences there is…TRUE, UNCONDITIONAL, HEART WIDE OPEN, LOVE.
So I ask you this…is this old way serving you?
Are you feeling JOY within this experience, this internal prison?
Do you feel love, loved, loving, lovable?
If the answer is no, then it’s time to makes some changes in your life my love. It’s time to CHOOSE something different, because the way you have been showing up, is no longer good for you.
START HERE –
List out all of your current beliefs you have around men, relationships, and your worth.
Get clear on the ones that are not serving you and choose new beliefs to create in your life, to bring about the kind of loving relationship you are craving.